Why I was away for so long.


Hi, it has been a while, sorry for being gone for so long without saying anything.

The reason for this, well there are many reasons but the biggest one was that I didn't feel like writing. Or rather I couldn't bring myself to write.

I do not know exactly the reason for this but it might be because I know how the books is going to end so it wasn't exciting to write it anymore, it wasn't about exploring the world and building it as I try to bring the characters alive as best as I can.

It was more like a chore where all I could think about is how badly I am doing it. It wasn't fun like it was in the beginning.

Of course I could have just skipped writing the Melissa´s archway and written chapters for the other books but I knew that it wouldn't solve the problem and it would eventually happen with the other ones as well.

So I took my time trying to fix it, and I really want to say that I did but I cant. I want to say that it wont happen again and I will keep to the schedule from now on but I cant. I want to say that I will try my best to make all that happen but I cant.

All i can say is that I am going to try, I will try until I succeed. I do not know how long it will take.
I do not know if I am going to be a better writer in the future. I do not know.

There are many things I don´t know and it is terrifying, there are many things that I want and not knowing if I can get them is scary.

Going to school as a backup plan might be the thing that is going to stop me from being successful.

Maybe working hard is not going to be enough to get this to work. Maybe I am just a failure.

Maybe it is ridiculous for me to even try.         

But I will try, I will keep trying. Because its too scary not to.

Thank you for reading.                                                                                                                                                                     

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