Things that will be


17. Things that will be.

Pain, intense pain. Why do I feel so much pain? Why am I always in pain? I’m sick of it. I am so sick of it. I hate it. I hate everything. Everything is causing me pain. I will kill them. I will kill everybody. They can’t hurt me then.

I open my eyes and its dark. I move my hands while ignoring the pain and notice that my clothes are different from before. They aren’t rough, thin and there are no holes in them either.

They feel smooth and soft but still durable. I put my hand behind my back, and I find my dagger there.

I use my other hand to try to find the spider woman. I don’t even have to more until my hand touches her head.

The head moves up as I touch it.

“A…wake?”

“AAAH!”

I scream as hard as I can and stab the dagger into her. Blood spurts out on my hand.

I take out the dagger and stab her again. I feel drops of blood hit my face.

I try to do it again, but her hands wrap around me. I flinch as I realize that I wasn’t being careful of her. Before I can try to get free from her hands I get gently pulled into her embrace.

What? Why isn’t she trying to hurt me? She hurt me before. Why would she be so gentle after I stabbed her?

“Sorr...y”

Why is she apologizing? What is happening here? Her embrace is soft and warm. No, things shouldn’t be like this.

Why do I feel so bad now? I should kill everyone so I they can’t hurt me but why does it hurt even if I try to kill them?

“Herbs…”

Herbs? What is she trying to say?

“Heal…”

Does she want me to get herbs for her? So, she could heal from the stab wound? Is that why she wasn’t fighting back? She is too weak to beat me, so she begs for me to save her?

“Fire…”

You feel sorry about hurting me with your fire now? Its too late for that. I won’t forgive you.

“Too…”

Too? Is she trying to say that she wants fire too? But she can make her own fire. Fire heals too? Fire hurts. It doesn’t heal.

“All…”

…

“I...”

…

“Could…”

…

“Do…”

No. I don’t believe it. She must be lying. I was alright. Why would I need to be healed? Fire only hurts.

“Stay…”

She wants me to stay here? Why would I? All she did was hurt me. I will kill her and leave. I will kill the other spiders too.

“Safe…”

…

It hurts. It hurts a lot. A lot more than before.

Her arms drop down from around me. Her body starts to feel heavier. No. I don’t want this. I hold her up with all my strength. I don’t want to let go of her. I don’t want to feel this bad. I don’t want her to be dead.

“AAAAAAAAAHHHH!”

She wasn’t trying to hurt me, and I killed her. She only wanted to help me, and I only wanted to kill her? I hate this. I hate feeling so bad. The pain I felt before was nothing. Why did I have to kill her?
Its unbearable. I can’t stand feeling like this. I want to die. If I die, I won’t feel this pain anymore.

…

I can’t die. She wanted me to live. Dying would be too easy. I don’t deserve to die. I need to live. I will live.

I want to help people like her. That way I can repay what she did for me. I can never make amends for what I did to her though.

I take the dagger that is inside her and put it behind my back into my pants. I softly put her down on the ground.

I hear the sound of the other spiders moving. If they want to kill me, I will let them. I can’t kill myself but if they want to do it, I don’t have any right to stop them.



They only walk past me to her. It hurts in my heart. I walk away. I can’t stay here.

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