The dwarf kingdom part one

Tales Upon Tales series

      MELISSA´S ARCHWAY

1.    The Dwarf Kingdom.

Part one.

It is morning! I have waited for this day for a long time and I am finally twenty years old. Now I can leave the village and explore the outside world. I get up from the bed and go downstairs to get breakfast, I see my parents Elina and Gabin and my big sister Amber and big brother Arthur are already at the table eating breakfast.

“Good morning!” I say cheerfully.

“Gu mornin.” Dad says with a deep voice.

“Morning.” Brother says and looks away.

“Good morning.” Says my sister with a faint smile.

“Good morning dear did you sleep well?” Mother says normally.

“Yes of course I did.” I say with a smile.

Actually, I was barely able to sleep because I was so excited to start my journey, but I can’t tell them that. They would just lecture me about the importance of sleep during a dangerous journey and how there would be a lot of exciting things that can keep me awake at night, so I can’t spend my nights awake during the journey.

We celebrated my birthday yesterday, so I’ll be able leave when me and my friends are ready. My friends that are leaving with me are all same age and there are five of them: Ryan, Martin, Alice, Marie and Luna. We have been friends for almost our entire life and we´ve talked about leaving the village for years and trained hard for this day doing things like muscle training that was basically just carrying rocks and ingots, stamina training by running in tunnels and weapon training by sparring with each other and some magic training.

Incidentally, I mainly practiced with a short sword and a shield and I also learned the basics of healing magic but it was hard because it’s rare for a dwarf to be able to use magic and even rarer for healing magic so there was no one to teach me healing magic but I was taught how to use and control magic in general.

“Who the hell says that of course they slept well? I bet you didn’t sleep a wink last night. this is just why you shouldn’t go if u can’t even sleep in the village u won’t survive outside.” Brother says angrily.

“Now now u can’t blame her for being excited when she has waited for this for years and we’ve talked about this and she won’t change her mind, I don’t want her to leave either but that’s what she decided.” Mother with a soothing tone.


“I can’t accept that, I love her and you’re telling me to just let her go? Besides leaving the village is nonsensical, its save here you don’t have to worry about food and there are other dwarfs here, who knows what there is on the outside!” 

Ever since I first said that I want to leave the village most of the adults have been trying to persuade me to stay here and big brother has been doing it the most. Even though there is the rule that you can leave when u turn twenty years old, hardly no one ever leaves the village and those who do never return so the knowledge of the outside world is scarce. It has been said that centuries ago the village was more open and even other races lived here and even if there is someone with the blood of another race in them it’s such a small proportion that it doesn’t show.

“That’s just why I’m leaving, there is no telling what there is outside who would want to stay in this stuffy old rock hole for the rest or their lives? That’s even worse than dying.” I respond to my brother.

“That’s a bit too far dear. He just cares about you like we all do, and it is hard for me too to let you leave but if that is what makes you happy then I cannot stop you and neither can anyone else.” Mother tells me strictly.

“I’m sorry I just wanted to have the last breakfast with my family and get along with everyone before I leave.” I say with tears on my eyes.

After that we all ate the breakfast in an awkward silence and after that it was time to go. I went back to my room the get my huge backpack that was filled with clothes mostly underwear, long lasting foods and lots of little things that are needed on a journey like a knife and flints and cloths some potions and water.

“Pumpkin I came to give you this consider this as a farewell gift I hope it will protect you on your journey.” Dad says while walking into my room.

He handed me a beautiful full black metal shield.

“Wait is that made from orichalcum!?” I yell excitedly.

I’ve only heard rumors about it because it isn’t mined in the mountain, so I wasn’t even sure if it existed or not.

“Yes, the metal has been passed down in the family and it has been said that when one of the children of this family is leaving the village this metal should be used for them, so I thought what I should make, and I wanted to you to be safe, so I made this to protect you.”

“Thank you, dad.”

I was starting to tear up, I’ve been waiting for this day for years so when it finally came it feels just so unreal that I won’t see my family for years, if at all. The fact that there is almost no knowledge of the outside world means that there is no knowing how long the journey is going to take or how dangerous it is. Finding a way back home after the journey is uncertain and we don’t know whether we want to return or not after it.

Dad hugs me, and we cry, and we stayed like that for a while before separating, then mother who was in the doorway came in and hugs me too

“I love you very much, just stay safe out there.” Mother tells me with tears on her eyes.

“I love you too mom, don’t worry I have my friends with me, we will be alright.”

We hug for a long time before we separate, and I wipe off my tears and smile.

I’m going now, I will miss you both so much and I hope I can see you again.” I say with a big smile.

I leave the room with my backpack and go downstairs where my brother and sister are waiting. Amber ran to me and hugged me tightly.

“Take care of yourself and have fun out there.” Sister says seriously.

“Yeah I will.” I say with a smile.

There wasn’t anything else to say, I am close with my sister, so we talked a lot in the past year and we can part easily because of that. Unlike with my brother, he just refuses to accept that I am leaving.

“So, you’re really going?” Brother asks me with an annoyed look on his face.

“Yes brother, and there is nothing you can say or do to stop me.” I say sternly.

“I see. Sigh I guess it can’t be helped then, this is the last time I will be seeing you, so I need it to be a happy memory. Let me hug you one last time” Brother says with a softer tone.

He hugs me I can see his tears falling down his cheeks, I start crying again.

“I love you brother”
“I love you too lil´ sis”

I say goodbye to everybody, wipe off my tears and open the front door. Air is chilly and moist when I step outside, the green light from the amethysts are luminating the stony road. Houses made from stone are in an orderly row as far as the eye can see, which isn’t very far because it’s quite dark here. I start walking toward Alice’s house that is in the same level as my house.

There are ten main levels in Marekoth where the populace lives, and beneath them are smaller levels where the people are mining and expanding the living space of Marekoth.
We are living in the fourth level and you can only leave the village from the first level.
I reach Alice’s house and see her hugging her mother teary eyed, I wait until they are finished saying goodbye and then go to her.

“It’s finally happening, isn’t it?” I ask her cheerfully.

She turns around her eyes are still red she wipes off her tears and smiles.

“Yes, it feels surreal, I can’t wait to see the outside. How did it go with your brother?” Alice asks.

“It went well in the end, but he was still against it.”

“That just means he cares deeply about you.”

“Yeah I know but never mind that now let’s go to the third level to meet up with Marie and Martin.”

We start walking towards the spiraling staircase that leads to the third level and we started talking about how we said goodbyes to our family and what we’re going to miss about the fourth level where we spent our entire lives.
When we get to the staircase Alice asks me about my shield and I tell her that my father had made it from heirloom metal to keep me safe, she says she is jealous of the fact that I came from a generations long blacksmith family and could get an amazing item like this before the journey.
She comes from a family that processes ores, so they can’t make her anything.

“But you know they did give me some metals.”

“Eeh, aren’t they just going to take up space and end up being dead weight?”

“Perhaps but they said that they are some rare metals that even the best smiths here cannot do anything with, so they are probably magic metals and if we find someone who can use them they should become very powerful items, and even if we don’t find anyone we can just sell them.”

After an hour of climbing up the rocky stairs we make it to the third level and head to Martins house where Marie should also be.
we walk on the familiar streets of the third level, taking a last look of the fields filled with different kinds of crops and livestock that are inside rock fences. The lighting in this level comes from ancient magic tools which emit violet hue that enables the plants to grow.

“Hey, do you still remember the old lady who told us tales about the outside world?” Alice asks.

“Yeah of course I do, those stories about flying lizards and heroes that fight against evil is what made me want to go outside and experience those things myself.”

“Yeah, it’s the same for me, it made me feel like I could make a difference in the world if I felt.”

“Are you feeling hesitant? It is still hard to leave your family behind no matter what the reason.”

“A bit but I will still be going no matter what, I feel like If I don’t go I will just be living a life full of regret.”

“You can’t live life without taking risks, so for better or worse you should make your own decisions and accept them for what they are.”

“You are right and besides we are all going together so we can just rely on each other if there are any problems.”

“We seem to be near their house already, I guess time flies when you’re talking.”

We walk up to the large two-storied farmhouse that was encircled by rocky fences. Inside the fences are different kinds of animals and there is a fenced path to the front yard of the house that keeps the animals away. I open the rock fence that lead to the yard and we walk to the front door. We could hear loud voices coming from inside the house, I knock on the door hesitantly.

Martin and Marie opened the door and walked outside while slamming the door close behind them.

“Let’s go!” Martin yells

“If you leave now you will no longer be a part of this family!” An old dwarf man yells while coming outside from the house.

“Who would want to be a part of this stinking family!”

“You choose her over family? Fine, leave then and don’t come back.”

“People that makes me choose between the girl I love, and family isn’t my family!”

The angry old dwarf goes back inside the house and we leave the yard in silence. After walking for a while in an awkward silence Alice breaks the silence by asking how they are feeling.

“Sorry this must have dampened your mood on this special day.” Martin says apologetically.

“Yeah, we expected things going like this with our families being what they are but it’s still not a pleasant thing to see or hear.” Marie says with a faint smile.

“That’s why we kept quiet about our relationship until now and prepared to leave the village all this time so there is really nothing to worry about, we were ready for this scenario.”

“Well if you say so but they are still your family are you sure you want to leave it like that?” I ask them.

“Yes, there is nothing we can do to change their minds about us being together and they would do everything they can do keep us apart so it’s better just to leave like this.” Martin explains.

“It is your family and your business, so I can’t really say anything about it, but if it’s what you’ve decided then I can accept it.” I tell them.

“Thanks, we appreciate it, now let’s forget this negative matter and focus on the bright future that is ahead of us.” Martin says with a brighter tone.
“Free from this place and its restrictions and in a world filled with possibilities.” Marie says excitedly.

“Well we still have a way to go until we can leave, but it won’t be long.” Alice says happily.

“We still have a way to go so let’s get going.” I say with more energy.

We walk to the next spiral staircase and get stopped by the guards there.

“What business do you have in the noble district?” Guard with a helmet asks.

“We are the group that is leaving today.” Martin answers him.

“So, you are them right, okay I will have the other guard accompany you to the end of level two.”

“Alright but we are going to stop at our friend’s house and take a break on our way.” I tell the guard.

“Is your friend going to leave with you?”

“Yes.” I answer.

“That works then, the guard can accompany you till the friend’s house.”

“Is that ok?” I ask.

“Yes, they can take responsibility for you guys so and your friend can guide you to the end of level two.”

“let’s get going then.” Martin says.

“I will be accompanying you till the house.” Says a guard with no helmet.

“Ok treat us well.” I say with a smile.

We all start to walk up the stairs for level two, the stairs are a lot more polished here than they were in the staircase between level two and three.
When we make it up the stairs we can see polished streets decorated street lights and huge stone mansions lined up orderly.
We walk in awe while guided by the guard and after a while the guard asks where our friend lives.

“She said we should just walk straight down the road to the end and we would see a big house there.” Alice answers.

“These are all big houses though.” I say while looking around the place.

“Maybe a big house for her means bigger than these here, so we should be able to tell which one it is when we get there.” Martin says.

Eventually we get to a crossroad and in front of us is a long rock fence encircling a huge yard and we could see an enormous mansion in the distance. At the gate, there were two gatekeepers with metal armor and rock spears, we walk to the gate.

“Halt what business do you have here?” A person near the gate asks.

“We came to see Luna.” I respond.

“We have been expecting you.” He answers while bowing.


They open the gate to let us pass and the guard starts walking back to where we came from. 

Part 2

“Isn’t this yard way too big?” [Martin]
“Yeah makes you wonder why someone who lives here would want to leave.” [Alice]
“Does it really matter why she wants to leave? She is our friend no matter what.” [Melissa]
“Well she did seem a little distant every time she came to play and train with us but I guess it doesn’t really matter.” [Marie]
“Of course, it matters we are going outside and it will probably be dangerous and if we can’t trust each other we are not going to survive there.” [Martin]
“why couldn’t we trust her now? There would be no point in leaving if she did it just to betray us, no matter what reason she has for leaving it doesn’t make her any less trust worthy.” [Melissa]
“But if she can’t even tell us that then it tells us that she doesn’t trust us.” [Martin]
“It’s probably just something personal that she can’t tell us yet, no reason to make a big deal about it, there are some things I haven’t told you and there are things you haven’t told us it’s just natural to keep things from each other.” [Melissa]
“I still don’t trust her.” [Martin]
“You don’t really need to yet, I’m sure you will be able to when u get to know her better, there is a lot of time for that when we leave.” [Melissa]

We arrived to the big mansion, it was pure white and it had support pillars in the front. We walked past the pillars and went to the huge double doors that looked more like a gate than a front door.

“This place is certainly big” [Alice]
“Yeah I wouldn’t mind living in a place this big” [Melissa]

We knocked on the door and almost instantly the door was opened by a butler.

“Greetings travelers welcome to the Kubara household” [Butler]
“Umm thank you?” [Melissa]
“That’s a weird way to receive guests.” [Martin]
“Yes, I apologize for any confusion but Luna asked me to say that when you arrived. She is still preparing to leave so please excuse her, you must be tired after walking all the way here you can take a rest in the living room come this way please.” [Butler]
“All right thank you.” [Melissa]

We were lead through the corridor past the many doors.

“This side of the house is where Luna and her siblings are living. On the left we have a bathroom on the right a dining room and in the next door we have a kitchen and opposite to that we have a gym room.” [Butler]
“Wouldn’t it be better to just to have no doors so it would be faster to move around?” [Marie]
“Well I guess so but wouldn’t it look kind of weird? And there are a lot of nobles coming to visit so we can’t have that, actually I shouldn’t be saying this but even the king came here to visit a few weeks ago.” [Butler]
“Really the king himself? What an honor it must have been.” [Alice]
“Hah the king, what good has he ever done for this village? He just sits in his castle luxuriously while doing nothing for the lower class.” [Martin]
“Oi you can’t say that here, what if u get confined before we leave? You would have to stay here with your families and you couldn’t be with Marie.” [Melissa]
“Don’t worry I know there has been problems with previous kings that exploited their status and made living conditions worse for the people but the king now is a different one he is trying to make this a better village for everybody. It’s just that there was no one to teach him how to manage these things so it’s been hard and he hasn’t been able to produce results yet but I am sure that in time this place will be easier place to live.” [Butler]

As he said that he opened a door to the living room, as you stepped into the room you could see the hand carved furniture and the decorations all over the room.

“This is quite luxurious” [Marie]
“Please make your way to the table, the snacks have been prepared beforehand so just enjoy them.” [Butler]

In a large table there were various desserts, fruits and sweets lined up.

“I will go help miss Luna now please eat all you want in the meantime.” [Butler]

After the butler left we started eating.

“This is so good I can’t believe it.” [Marie]
“I wonder when are we going to be able to eat something this good again” [Martin]
“We can eat something this good now so we should just enjoy it. I mean you never think that when are you going to get to eat something better than you have ever eaten so why would you think something this irrelevant? Besides there should be a lot of different things out there so I’m sure we will find something that tastes better than anything we have ever tasted.” [Melissa]
“As long as there is something to eat out there I’m happy.” [Alice]
“Ha-ha that’s true.” [Melissa]

Door opens and a slim brunette girl with round glasses and a big packsack
on her back comes in.

“Let’s get going guys, there is things to do and a whole new world to be discovered.” [Luna]
“What are you crazy? We just got here and some of us have been walking for hours let us rest for a while.” [Martin]
“there is no need for that we can rest outside for how long we want so let’s go!” [Luna]
“call down Luna, we have all the time in the world and its dangerous to go to an unknown place when you are tired.” [Melissa]
“hmm but I really want to go now, well fine guess I can’t rush you guys but rest fast.” [Luna]
“I could leave already to be honest, I’m not really that tired and the faster we get there the more time we have to prepare for the night” [Alice]
“I could keep going too to be honest, do you have your things ready Luna? [Melissa]
“Yes, and I have already said goodbye to my family so I can leave right away.” [Luna]
“Wait are we really leaving already? I wanted to eat more cakes.” [Martin]
“You can take a few with you and eat on the way, all right let’s start our adventure!” [Luna]

We picked up our things and left the room the same way we came from.

“This long walk feels so pointless now that we didn’t even get to rest there.” [Martin]
“By the way I heard from Melissa that you have some knowledge of the outside world, would you mind telling me something.” [Alice]
“Ah yes this is an appropriate time to tell you all what I know. So, as u you know this was classified information so I couldn’t tell you guys beforehand but now it’s ok, so our family has had these old books in save keeping for years now. Some of them has deteriorated and rewritten and some are made from peculiar materials and haven’t aged at all. In the rewritten books, there is a lot of common knowledge about the nature and living things that can be found outside and in the old books there are some information about mystical beings and places.” [Luna]
 “What kind of mystical beings? How are they different from normal ones?” [Marie]
“Well most common ones are beings that are fused with magic and a new race was born, it was said on first of the three old books and it’s about history of mystical beings. It was also said that it’s speculated that every race originates from humans, so we could also be called mystical beings.
Then there are those that are fused with an object or material, they are not that common and there are many kinds of them.” [Luna]
“It truly is interesting and I hate to interrupt but shouldn’t you rather tell us about the normal nature and things we are going to face in a few hours?” [Martin]
“He does have a point and we can continue this during the travels anyway so it might be best if we use the time we have to prepare what we will face in a moment.” [Melissa]
“All right if you insist I will tell you about the boring stuff.
So, remember that these were written hundreds of years ago so things could have changed outside and probably have changed, the knowledge from this area comes from a diary of a dwarf right before we closed ourselves in. What he mentions about the nature is that it’s a forest with trees that has needles instead of leaves and there aren’t many plants and such there so it’s easy to move around, the temperature is cool at sometimes and chilly at some, also there are only a few living creatures there but the ones that are there are fierce or good at hiding.” [Luna]
“Umm I have a question” [Marie]
“Do you want to know why there are needles instead of leaves or do you want to know how to fend off the creatures that habit the forest?” [Luna]
“I wanted to know what the trees you mentioned was.” [Marie]
“Ye I was wondering that as well.” [Melissa]

Luna made a shocked expression and then sighed deeply.

“all right I guess telling about things to this extend is useless, I will keep it short and simple. First off trees they are brown things that are sticking out of the ground and on the top there are green things everywhere, the material you get from them is lightweight and flexible compared to rocks but it is still somewhat durable even if it is not as durable as rocks.
You can also burn the wood to create heat and warmth.” [Luna]

At that point, we reached the final spiral staircase that was much grander looking than the rest, it was black and gold and it had black spikes going upwards from the rails and on the top of the pikes’ golden vines created an arch on top of the stairs.

“Halt” [Guard]
“We are the coterie that is embarking on a journey at this date.” [Luna]
“so you are the group that is leaving today? Four women dwarfs and one male is cleared to pass, we will be escorting you to the kings place”. [Guard 2]

The two guards started escorting us up the black and gold staircase.

“Aren’t you going to continue?” [Martin]
“Of course she wont there are people around us, she cant leak classified information even if they are guards.” [Alice]
“Well I just thought that if they are guards they would have some kind of secrecy obligation.” [Martin]
“They have but you still can’t give away secret information even if it wouldn’t spread from them because they would still know it and it’s bad enough.” [Alice]
“Even if it’s one person, it’s still one person that’s not authorised to know that information and you are the one who spread it, so it will be you who will get punished for it and because they are guards they would know that it is wrong and could punish us immediately so this would be the worst situation to tell any classified information.” [Luna]
“Alright fine let’s just discuss something else then. How about battle formations, strategies and policies?” [Martin]
“That’s a great idea Martin, we can never know when we are going to have to fight and what and the smallest things could decide the outcome of the battle so if we prepare well we increase the chance of our victory and survival.” [Luna]
“well we have discussed this before but it doesn’t hurt that we go through everything from the beginning in case someone has forgotten something or hasn’t gotten some information.” [Melissa]
“There is also the new information that Luna told us about so we can improve our old things and think of new ones based on that knowledge.” [Martin]
“So be more vigilant in nights, sleep in shifts and do your basic maintenance everyday.” [Alice]
“If we don’t have to fight let’s not and be wary of all kinds of things, you can never know what will be dangerous and what wont be.” [Melissa]
“Let’s move on to the battle formations, where we are a little lacking.
I will be in the front and Marie will be behind me spearing everyone I cant handle with my shield and sword. Alice you will handle things from the sides with Melissa and if need be you will protect Luna who will be attacking from afar with magic.” [Martin]
“That was the basic formation how about when we are defending?” [Melissa]
“I’ll be in front of Luna and you will be behind her and Alice and Marie in the sides.” [Martin]
“Which side will I be on, or does it even matter?” [Alice]  
“Good question, it doesn’t matter but pick a side now and stick with it so you will know where to go in panicky situations. Actually you will be on the right side.” [Martin]
“Is there anything else except attack formation left?” [Melissa]
“I would like to add at least the unknown situation formation.” [Luna]
“What do we do in that one?” [Martin]
“Two different kinds, other one is used in a place where we cant draw weapons before the fight and other one where we can but don’t know what kind of fight it will be.” [Luna]
“so what is the formation?” [Melissa]
“Martin behind us Marie after him, me then and depending if he cant stay hidden then Ryan after me followed by Alice and finally Melissa.
If we are attacked form pairs and fight them off or run away depending on the situation and regroup after you are save.” [Luna]
“That was the formation where we cant draw weapons?” [Melissa]
“Yes and the other one is similar but we are already in pairs and in a triangle but with distance from each other and Melissa and Ryan switch places.” [Luna]
“Attack formation went like me and Melissa in front, Marie behind me and Luna behind Melissa and Alice in the side depending on the situation” [Martin]
“That’s enough of that for now, when I am able to discuss the books we can think of more pin pointed strategies in different situations.” [Luna]
“Should we discuss what we are going to do after we leave?” [Melissa]
“That would be appropriate at this point in time.” [Luna]
“It is good to review things before going out and now we have time” [Melissa]
“Yeah, I’ve only heard this a million times before and I was rarely there with you guys, if anyone has forgotten the first steps after going out I would be so shocked that I couldn’t be able to travel with you guys.” [Luna]
“But it is not about forgetting or remembering but about doing this the last time as a group now that we are leaving.” [Melissa]
“But couldn’t we do this after were in a place where we can talk about the book knowledge and actually improve the plan and get a clearer picture of what were going to do or at least wait that we are all here before reminiscing the old times.” [Luna]
“we can improve when we are able to and he was rarely there and when he was he didn’t talk much so does it really matter if he is not with us? He probably didn’t like talking about it just like you.” [Melissa]
“don’t be ridiculous if he didn’t like being there he wouldn’t have broken the rules and sneaked out of his duties to listen to the same things over and over again.” [Luna]
“What? All this time and he didn’t say anything about that. What happened to him after he went back every time?” [Melissa]
“Sigh, I wasn’t suppose to tell you that and for what happened you should ask him yourself. Well sneaking out of the kings guard duty, it doesn’t take a genius to know it is not something you get away without a punishment.” [Luna]
“That’s horrible, why didn’t he tell me?” [Melissa]
“How could he say anything, it is not something you casually just mention in a conversation and if he had told you, you would have acted differently trying to be considerate of him all the time and I am guessing he didn’t want that.” [Luna]
“I see.” [Melissa]
“So.. so what should we discuss then?” [Alice]
“I don’t really want to talk about anything right now.” [Melissa]

We walked the rest of the stairs in silence and when we got to the top we could see a single castle far away.

“What are these distances honestly? We have been walking the entire day and now this. Guess it cant be helped, we need to get used to this amount of walking but it is still a bit unsettling to think that you are about to reach your destination and seeing it still far away.” [Alice]
“It must have been hard on him to do this trip both ways and then get a punishment afterwards, even so he still came over and over again.” [Melissa]
“Ok, that’s enough its time to grow up, you getting depressed over this isn’t going help anyone especially not him. If you want to do something then just act in a better way in the future.” [Luna]
“Yeah you are right, I was just feeling bad and couldn’t deal with it in a constructive way. Sorry guys for making the atmosphere awkward, all right lets go! Lets get Ryan and start this thing haven’t we been here long enough?” [Melissa]
“Hey don’t run, are you out of your mind? Fine lets run like morons when were already tired and about to go into an unknown world.” [Alice]

We ran to the castle and the new guards yelled at us for running off when they were changing guards, the big castle made from rock was in front of us, we walked on the stone bridge that lead to the stone gate. When we got near the gate one of the guards waved to the top of the wall and soon afterwards the stone gate started to rise. We walked into the courtyard where we saw the dwarf king and a group of people around him.

“Welcome to the kings castle, after this stop you all will start your journey outside the dwarf kingdom. Now come inside to rest, I will lead you to a place where you can sit and eat while we discuss a few things.” [King]

We followed the king and the group inside the castle where the interior was grand and the hallways were long, there no guards in the beginning but when we advanced more inside there begun to be more of them.

“Why are there more guards here than there were in the entrance? What are you trying to pull king? Are you leading us to a trap? [Martin]
“No you idiot, they are there to handle any outside threat that could come inside.” [Luna]
“I am so sorry for his rudeness can you just ignore it this time?” [Melissa]
“I am not such a petty king to punish people for doubting me and it is sadly understandable why he would be due to the actions of some the earlier kings.” [King]

One of the people from the group opened a door to the right. Inside there was a luxurious table filled with various dishes and the chairs were cushioned.

“Here you can rest before embarking on your adventure and we can also talk for a while.” [King]

We sat down around the table and started eating. Some from the group sat down with us and the rest stood still.

“I will first tell you about the history of the dwarf kingdom, well as much as I know at least there isn’t much from the time before we shut ourselves from the outside world.” [King]
“Is this going to take a while?” [Martin]
“Yes but its important and it should be somewhat helpful for you, to know how the outside world sees the dwarfs and what it was like before.” [King]
“Shouldn’t we wait for Ryan?” [Melissa]
 “He is already here listening so don’t worry, let us begin. There were wars in the old days between different races and in the end when all were weakened and near extinction there came a hero with a group of mixed races and he brought peace to the land. After that other races were able to live amongst each other but old wounds don’t heal over night and there was tension and distrust all around and most races just lived amongst themselves. Dwarves were hated the most for their superior equipment and defensive tactics that were deemed cowardly, so they made fun of dwarfs height and called us overgrown chickens, it also didn’t help that in the hero group there were no dwarfs. Due to discrimination and high pride of the dwarves we went to this mountain and closed us off from the outside world.” [King]
“Are you saying all this to scare us off from leaving?” [Martin]
“It is decreed that I have to tell you all this and it is probably put for that reason but it is still the real history. At first there was no reason to keep anyone leaving because they all came voluntarily here and remembered the treatment we got outside but after a few generations people started forgetting and wanting to leave so the king ordered that anyone who leaves couldn’t come back and put an age limit that stopped children leaving from petty reasons. After another few generations the royal line started to get corrupted and they started using their power for their own benefit and due to the law of leaving they would have to leave permanently into an unknown world and leave their families behind so no one could oppose the tyranny. From the corrupted kings came corrupted princes and it continued like that to this day, thanks to you and Ryan I was able to get free from the cycle of corruption. Now I want to make the living conditions better for all dwarfs that live here and make this a prosperous kingdom that I hope will get bigger and someday will be able open the doors to the outside.” [King]
“Would that mean we could come back here someday?” [Melissa]
“The way this place is messed up, the corruption in the nobles and the hatred of the common people it would take decades to get this place to a point it would be united as one.” [Martin]
“Indeed the road is long and hard but I will keep at it until everyone is happy in my kingdom. I still want to ask you to stay here, I know there are problems and you might not be able to trust me but I promise you will live a better live here from now on if you stay.” [King]
“Of course I cant trust you and even if I could there is nothing left for me here.” [Martin]
“I am going with Martin.” [Marie]
“It is an honor king but I’ve dreamt of this for too long to not go.” [Melissa]
“Me too.” [Alice]
“The outside world is much bigger and there are countless unexplored things to research.” [Luna]
“Then I too am going” [Ryan]

A dwarf wrapped in black dropped down from the ceiling.

“I hope our paths will cross again someday, take care of yourselves out there and Ryan thank you for everything I am going to miss you man.” [King]
“Goodbye everyone.” [Ryan]
 the rted to rise op of the wall and soon afterwards the n they were
We picked up our things and headed out, a few from the group who were still standing lead us through a corridor that went upwards and started widening. After a few minutes, we saw a big steel door.

“Are you ready? I am going to open the door.” [Door opener]

We all said yes and the door started opening slowly while a small light started coming out from the opened space. The light engulfed us and when we opened our eyes we saw the view that spread longer than I ever seen.

“That bright thing is the sun, white things in the sky are clouds and the green things in the below that go on for as far as we can see are trees.” [Luna]

“It is beautiful” [Melissa]

We stepped forward and saw even more of the view and for a while we just stared at it in awe, when we came to we noticed the door was already closed behind us. I felt a small sadness in my heart but when I turned to see the view again it disappeared.



“This is the starting point of our adventure. t took but we are finally here,ly here,ure lets go guys! to uds and the green things in the below that go on for as far” [Melissa]

Chapter one part two. 

Comments

  1. As far as the story goes it's pretty basic, but still enjoyable. I'll read and comment one chapter at a time, so should comments deem untue for the next chapter - disregard them.
    The first thing that caught my eye is sudden change of story teller. In the 1st paragraph it is "the teller" and the next it is Melissa herself. Is it a diary, tale or? You should be consistent with it and decide beforehand.
    Next thing - dialogues. They are written as if for a play. You can do that, but only if you're writing a play, otherwise it's just a bad tone. And if you do that anyway - you should put the name of person speaking in front of their line, because when you read dialogues you sort of imagine people talking, their voices, accents etc., but with the way you wrote it is impossible, because you don't know who is speaking before you read their whole line. This leads to poor imaginary experience and makes the whole reading flat, as if you were reading technical documentation which does not require any engagement of imagination to accept it's concepts, like a microwave oven manual.

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  2. Yeah, and too much magic in the 4th paragraph.

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  3. I changed the way i write dialogues in chapter three and the story teller is Melissa from now on too. I will do my best to fix the mistakes i have made and improve as a writer. I appreciate for pointing out the flaws i have in the story, thank you.

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    Replies
    1. You are welcome. If you have time - rewrite earlier chapters too, a clunky beginning could dissovle some of the audience.

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    2. Yes, i will rewrite them at some point but i want to improve first so i wont have to rewrite them again.

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  4. So the first thing i'll mention is proofreading. There's a lot of instances of run-on sentences, misplaced or missing punctuation, and incorrect spelling of words (Ex: u instead of you). These things really detract from the reading experience and might throw off a reader regardless of how well the content is. Grammar wise, one tip I have is to read your sentences out loud. Mistakes are much easier to detect that way.

    Another thing I might add is to try showing versus telling. You're building a very interesting world here but just skimming over the details. The reader wants to know all these details. Melissa's relationship to her family and friends. Her normal life that she's about to leave forever. The reason behind why she's leaving--why it's so important to her. Why it's so hard to leave everything behind. Go deeper into these things! They are what draw readers in and keep them invested in Melissa as a character. As your story is right now, it seems too fast paced. As an example, the old lady who tells stories about the outside world. instead of just telling us about her through dialogue, how about actually showing her telling stories, or maybe have Melissa think about a memory of her telling stories. It's these little nuances that help give the world you're building more foundation.

    I hope you succeed in finishing all of your stories. I think its great what you're doing, and I think you're really brave for putting your work out there for the world to critique (and league players no less...lol). Good luck!

    -Ezreal who you shat on with panth.



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    Replies

    1. Thank you, this was incredibly helpful, I always wondered how much should I tell about the surroundings and the people and how but I just thought that no one would be interested in that so I didn't pay much attention to it. Also the grammar has been an issue and I have worked to better it, I will be correcting the early chapters when I feel like I have improved enough that I can write them properly.

      This helps me to start improving to the right direction so I am really grateful. I will continue writing no matter what happens so I will finish the stories eventually, I also hope to start writing new stories too and I cannot wait for that to happen.

      Thank you again for all the kind words, ezreal who shat on me with panth.

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