#23


#23

I made a successful potion finally, like not only did I make it, I understood what happened and why. It feels much simpler now since I was told the herbs` effects and mana circulations.

Before all I could do was experiment and guess what they did but the mana in them made them unpredictable for me. Like even depending on the person taking the potion or the herb the mana amount in their bodies is important since it can either not affect you at all or kill you just in itself.

Higher grade herbs even made use of the mana to amplify or change their effects which made me really confused. Then, if you mix the herbs with other ingredients or herbs that have mana it yet again complicates things since they can easily not mix together.

You get the point, very complicated stuff which is hard to understand by yourself by just trying things out.

I mean I could still understand them eventually, but I do understand that it would have take ages and we don’t have that much time to play around with things like this.

Tomorrow we will go to the forest with our whole group. And we will see then what we can do afterwards.

----

A disappointment. Truly. Quite unfortunate. Ahhh. They have had so much time to practice and get stronger here so why are they so weak still? They even shy away from danger. How long have we been on this journey? How many years have we been fighting with our lives on the line and they still are scared of danger?

No, that is wrong. They haven’t been fighting with their lives on the line. I have been protecting them always. No wonder they haven’t improved. I have just babied them the whole trip and now it is biting me in my ass.

Rann got injured. Seriously injured. The potion I made before saved her life, but it was a close call. There was an ambush and I had to fight off too many beasts to keep others as safe as they could be, but she still got hurt. It was still too much for them even though I took care of most of the beasts.

I don’t understand. The skeleton should have come up with new magic already and gotten stronger from that right? Or another way to use it. So, he would be stronger. Where did his magical knowledge go?

Layla and the elf were disasters as well, doing more harm than good. I should have forced them more. To follow my rules instead of letting them be how they want to be.

Tefa was weak. Just like Rann. I do understand that since they come from the low mana area, they are just weaker in general, but they have been getting more mana in their bodies from the environment, there should still be more improvement, right?

Am I asking for too much here? Did I want too much? How would this be too much? I have barely even started to fulfill my dreams and there are already so many setbacks.

I want her back and after that I want to continue my fun journey to explore the world.

And I need the groups help with that. I need them to get stronger too. I can’t do it by myself. Unless I want to self-destruct.

I lashed out to them, after we got to safety and we knew that Rann was going to survive I got so angry at everything, so I just blamed it all on them. It was my fault for being too lenient with them and not being responsible.

I was focused too much on my enjoyment and not helping them grow. I didn’t fix the holes in our relationship and thought them teamwork and other ways to use their skills and abilities. I didn’t teach them how to fight. I didn’t learn anything myself either.

From now I will do better. I can’t be lazy anymore.


#22

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